Confidence Is a Waste of Energy

Confidence = the opposite of fear, wanting to do something that sets you apart, mental or moral strength to move in the “right” direction.

Confidence is determination, despite self-preservation instincts.

When you have anxiety, nervousness, stage fright, fear of failure, feeling like a fraud… You are in an emotional state that is advising you to stop whatever it is you are about to do. Confidence is the emotional reaction that helps you overcome. Determination is the emotion that helps you stick with it.

The problem is, you can’t count on confidence or determination to show up! They are just emotions. Emotions are unreliable.

What then? What if you are trying to “muster your confidence” and you just can’t. Or you get blindsided by fear and don’t have time to do any mustering whatsoever?

Take the time now, while you’re feeling neutral and calm, to look at why confidence is not your friend or your goal. You don’t need confidence. And learn what you do need.

First ask, what's the source of your negative emotional state? Is it logic based? Logic like “I honest-to-god don’t know anything about this - like really, I’d be making shit up. There is real risk so don’t do this.”

Or is it the opposite “I have the knowledge, I’ve done the work, I know what comes next, but still, I want to stop and I don't understand why.”

If it is the 2nd, then what is going on? You have the skills and knowledge you need, and you are ready. Why do you have these strong negative emotions? That’s where personal narratives come in. There is something in your past - some experience you might not consciously remember - that is urging you to quit despite logic. If you haven’t done the work of uncovering these personal stories then you are at their mercy. They will throw more and more emotional obstacles in your path until they win.

Confidence is just another feeling. Feelings are mostly outside of your control.

Don’t look for the emotions of feeling safe, determined, or confident to show up. (If you want to rely on any emotion, there is one you can count on - gratitude. You can reliably find gratitude that you have the knowledge, skill, and opportunity you need in order to move forward.)

What should you count on instead? Use trust in your skills/ability/knowledge based on the work you’ve already done. If you’ve done the work, you don’t need the confidence. Rely on your skills. Whether confidence shows up or not, you've got this

Two companies have booked me this week for my new keynote, Find, Love, and Live Your Voice. Is your company next?

Reach out if you want to bring me and one of my talks to your company or group. I’m proud to say I’ve been described as “very inspiring and entertaining.” Anyway, NancyBos.me is a good place to take a deeper dive into all the talks I offer.

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Nancy Bos is the author of 4 best-selling books on voice. Learn more at StudioBos Media

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