I'll Never Use These Words Again
I solemnly declare,
these self-depreciating phrases, and any like them, will not be part of my vocabulary from this day forward.
Why? Why were we taught to use these???
sorry to bother you…
I hate to bug you…
I’m sorry, I know you are busy…
I hate to disturb you…
Can I trouble you for…
You must be busy, so I hate to ask…
Do any of them sound familiar? They are so incredibly self-depreciating! And negative. And I’ll add they are submissive, groveling, cowering, cringing, shrinking, and very likely disingenuous.
Mostly they roll off our ears like they haven’t been said. But the damage has undoubtedly been done on a subconscious level when we elevate another person and depress ourselves. Personally, I cringe when somebody says to me, “I know you must be busy…” As a wise friend pointed out, we are all always busy, it’s just that sometimes we might be busy taking it easy.
Another friend pushed back once when I said, “I’ll stop distracting you in in a minute.” And he replied, “I’m choosing to spend time on this with you. It is not a distraction.”
When I was a kid and needed to interrupt my dad from work (He had a home office way back when.) it might have been a good way for me to approach him - to appropriately say “I hate to bug you.” Because I did.
But that begs the question, who taught me to speak this way? I can’t quite imagine my dad saying, “Nancy, if you are going to ask me if you can practice piano when you get home from school, make sure to say, Sorry to bother you Dad, before you ask and, Please, at the end.” Nope - that conversation never happened.
Maybe getting to the root of this personal narrative isn’t important. Perhaps it’s enough if I hang my head in a moment of lament for a culture that encourages the use of this language. And then move on.
One thing I’m certain of is that I should have never transferred that childish, verbal genuflect to my adult life.
I’m also certain that I will work to eradicate this vocabulary, this posturing, from my language from now on. How about you? Join me in elevating our self-worth above the level of Wormtail?
If yes, please state the following with me.
“I solemnly declare, these self-depreciating phrases, and any like them, will not be part of my vocabulary from this day forward.”
Reframing this narrative is essential to empowerment. We won’t say “I’m sorry” unless we mean it. Won’t verbally humble ourselves for trivial things. And won’t assume the other person should be elevated above us.
I feel myself stand just a bit taller now. Do you?
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I’m Nancy Bos, a vocologist, speaker, and author. I help people live their best life.
If you’d like to explore reframing your personal narratives, I’m offering a phenomenal opportunity to be part of the first cohort of Empower Your Voice. DM me for details.
If you’d like to bring me to your company or organization to talk to your group about reframing narratives, visit nancybos.me for more info.
Learn more about refraining your narratives in my TEDx talk: The Power of Owning Your Narrative
Get my free ebook THE TOP 5 MISTAKES THAT KEEP PEOPLE FROM REACHING THEIR GOALS
Thank you,
Nancy