Transforming Resistance into Reverence: My Journey with Ancestral Healing
My Grandma Esther, photos approximately 55 years apart.
Part 3 of 4
Just two weeks ago I found myself resisting a powerful urge to confront my ancestral issues. As I shared in Part 1, it was a reaction filled with annoyance and disbelief, akin to a Sicilian grandmother shooing away bothersome children. 😤 Little did I know, this resistance would mark the beginning of a transformative journey into my family's history and my own inner world. 🌟
As I sat with those thoughts of irritation for a few days, something shifted within me. I realized that ignoring my ancestral issues only prolonged my pain and held me back from reaching my full potential. 🤔
In Part 2, I had just begun the work when I suddenly found myself overwhelmed by fatigue and had to nap. 😴 It felt like my grandmother had arrived armed with a metaphorical chloroform rag or tranquilizer gun. Eventually, I woke back up - literally - shook off the sleepiness, and got to work.
Here are the steps I took and how it progressed.
1. The Byron Katie Worksheets: A Mental Exercise 📝
It occurred to me that if something was trying so hard to stop me that it knocked me out, I had to persist. I turned to the Byron Katie worksheets, a mental exercise that allowed my mind to receive answers through an analytical process. It was a pivotal exercise that set the tone for what was to come. 🧠
The Work of Byron Katie
This screenshot showcases a section of the worksheet from Katie's website; they are not my answers, but an illustration of the analytical process I undertook to explore my uncomfortable memories of my grandmother.
2. Rediscovering My Grandmother's Story 📖
To gain insight into my ancestral issues, I had to delve into my family's history. I called my mother and learned that my grandmother Esther was the youngest of six children by several years and one of the first born outside of Denmark. Her two sisters closest in age struggled with mental health issues, one diagnosed with bipolar disorder and spent time in mental hospitals. Moreover, her mother passed away suddenly when Esther was just eight years old, forcing her father to send her to live with other families as a serving girl, since they had no other family in the U.S. It was a hard, hard life. Esther had to become a warrior in her own life. I immediately found myself loving and deeply appreciating this resilient girl. ❤️
When she was a young adult and a new nurse in Chicago, Grandma was married and rose quickly to a supervisory role. Eventually she moved to rural Iowa, gave birth to two daughters, and lived as a farmer during the dust bowl (1934-40) and the depression.
Nearly four years after my mother was born, the United States entered World War II. Everyone in the country was a warrior then. Being strong and self-sacrificing were two of the most valued traits a person could have. At times it was all too much for my warrior-grandma and she struggled to keep going. Her husband, daughters, and community kept her alive.
3. Unpacking Virtues and Core Beliefs 🧐
Following the history lesson, my grandmother and I engaged in a spirited debate over The Virtues, uncovering core belief differences in these principles. The virtues (prudence, justice, temperance, fortitude, faith, hope, and charity) weren't initially part of the plan. Rather, their contribution to the conversation spontaneously emerged. 💬 Now that I understood her better, I realized why she valued virtues that I find to be uncomfortable. This exploration helped me connect with her on a deeper level.
4. Gratitude for the Gift of Music 🎶
One moment of profound gratitude surfaced when I remembered that my grandmother had given me the gift of making music. She encouraged her grandchildren to sing and play the piano for her and others, always appreciating our performances. This revelation brought me closer to her in a new way. 🎵
5. Confronting the Subconscious Saboteur 💥
Despite my newfound appreciation for my grandmother, I still had to overcome the emotional barrier that made me believe she would disapprove of my path. I had to identify what aspects of my journey she wouldn't approve of, and it became clear that I felt she had reservations about my pursuit of the stage. In mulling it over, I discerned that fame for its own sake wasn't what I sought, but rather widespread understanding by all people in the movement of empowering people's voices. To achieve that, I need to be comfortable as a professional speaker for large audiences, and I felt strongly that she was uncomfortable with that idea.
When I finished analyzing the perceived divergence, I looked in my heart to see if there was a change. What I found in that moment was that Esther deeply appreciated people who did their best and rose to the top with honor and integrity. I experienced that she's amazed that just 2 generations after her, I have everything I need and more to serve the Spirit with such a dramatic, powerful purpose. She insists that I set a high bar with virtuousness, like she did, and be a warrior for my purpose, like she was.
6. Ancestral Meditation: A Gathering of Spirits 🧘♂️
With peace in my heart regarding my grandmother, the next step in my journey involved a meditation on Insight Timer called "Ancestral Clearing with St. Germain." During this meditation, I experienced an extraordinary gathering of my ancestors. I could see the faces of those I knew in an inner circle and an extended circle of ancient family members. The guide, Tracy Gaudet, used a technique called Violet Flame to wash us with healing energy, and I felt the powerful vibrations of energetic cleansing. Most impactful, I felt my hands being held by my family, a tangible connection to the past. 🕊️
7. Grounding in the Present 🌄
After this magical journey, I needed to return to the present. I did so by smiling, dancing, and taking a walk, grounding myself in the here and now. It was the final step in a process that had brought me closer to my ancestors and myself.
Have you ever wondered if the beliefs of your grandparents and beyond has impacted you? The answer is a resounding YES! Have you ever felt the pull to heal your ancestral wounds, or wondered if there was real wisdom in how they taught you and your parents to live, or were their lessons based in just fear?
I urge you to take on the challenge of examining your ancestral issues and seeking healing. Most past generations formed their survival skills in completely different times: they were drafted to fight in world wars and civil wars, lived through the Depression, dust bowls, immigration (abandoning family), extreme racism, genocide, a complete disdain for religious diversity, neurodiversity, and gender diversity... The list goes on and on. Honoring our ancestors and ourselves is a key part of the path to empowerment. 💖
This article is Part 3 of 4.
Here is a link to the previous articles: Part 1: A Modern Woman Wrestling with Ancestral Baggage Part 2: Preparing to Confront Grandma's Judgment: My Journey into Ancestral Healing
In Part 4 I will go into detail about my takeaways and what I have experienced since.