Preparing to Confront Grandma's Judgment: My Journey into Ancestral Healing
Part 2 of 4
Nurses at Cook County General Hospital, Chicago, where my grandmother studied and worked in the late 1920s.
As someone deeply immersed in the realm of voice empowerment , you might assume that I've conquered all the limitations of my own voice. Over the past two years, I've painstakingly dismantled a dozen lingering subconscious saboteurs. Yet in doing so, I've unearthed a single, pervasive belief that has silently held me back me throughout my life, particularly when it comes to seeking attention. This resistance, this friction, is intricately tied to my perception of judgmental whispers of my ancestors. It has grown too potent to ignore. I was drawn to a path of doing ancestral work by a desire to unblock things that keep me from sharing the message of empowering voices. It promised not just an exploration of my roots, but a profound inner transformation. In this article I will unveil the deeply personal story of why I embarked on this journey and how I prepared myself to delve into the depths of my ancestry.
The seeds of this journey were sown in the recesses of my heart, nurtured by a nagging bitterness that had lingered long after my grandmother's passing. A disapproving glance, a harsh tone to her voice – these fragments of memory had quietly grown into a wall of doubt within me. The unexpressed unease it caused me created space for fear to seep in, casting shadows over my pursuit of teaching others to empower their voices. It became evident that to truly move forward, I needed to confront these emotions, to unearth their roots and understand their hold on me.
A transformative moment arrived this summer on the Empowered Voices tour when I set foot in Copenhagen, a city that once stirred uncomfortable feelings within me due to its association with my memory of my grandmother. Yet, as I walked its streets, something changed. The city told stories of resilience, caring, and beauty, and I found myself falling in love with the place that was once tainted by negativity. This experience led to a desire for a deeper connection with my roots and heritage.
Accepting the call of ancestral work also stemmed from what I teach - that the subconscious beliefs and patterns of our ancestors can shape our lives more than we acknowledge. Struggles with self-worth, recurring life patterns, and self-judgment often find their origin in the experiences of those who came before us. Finding this in myself, despite the work I've done, highlighted the universality of the struggle, transcending time and generation. It became evident that my journey was a small part of a larger tapestry of human experiences.
Preparation was not without its challenges. I had no blueprint to guide me. However, the support of wise mentors and friends was invaluable. A spiritual mentor suggested a simple yet profound act – to have coffee with my deceased grandmother, inviting her presence to the table. A shamanic friend proposed a guided ancestral journey, but she wouldn't be available for a few more weeks, while another friend pointed me towards Byron Katie's work, offering a structured starting point for DIY Ancestry Relations.
To create the ideal setting for this transformative work, I booked a secluded cabin, far from the distractions of daily life. As I discuss in my TEDx talk: The Power of Owning Your Narrative, this sanctuary - a safe place to do the work - allowed me to focus solely on the task at hand. To begin the journey, I laid out three coffee cups: one for myself, one for my grandmother, and one for anyone else that might show up. With a Byron Katie worksheet open on my screen and a thick, blank journal in my lap, I began to unravel the threads that bound us across time and space.
However, the process was not without its challenges. As I began to work through questions in the worksheet, resistance surged within me. Overwhelming fatigue swept over me, and I unexpectedly fell asleep in the midst of my endeavor. The profound sleepiness wasn't a mere coincidence; rather, it felt like my grandmother had arrived armed with a metaphorical chloroform rag or tranquilizer gun. This surreal experience served as a stark reminder that ancestral work is not an easy process.
As I navigated my ancestral exploration, I was reminded that this journey is a blend of emotions, memories, and revelations. Whether one believes the messages from ancestors are real or imaginary, it is undeniable that what we believe about our ancestors impacts our daily lives. It is a path marked by healing, understanding, and transformation. I undertook this process with a heart full of hope and a determination to honor both my past and my future.
In the next article I'll delve into the details of the personal experience in this exploration with my grandmother. Perhaps, you'll discover some common ground in my story. Each of us carries a unique and intricate relationship with our ancestors, as they paved the way we were welcome to follow. However, we also possess the choice to either continue on the path they laid out or seek a more personalized, fulfilling journey toward our own power. I encourage you to explore the stories of your ancestors that reside within your heart. Embrace those that empower you, and actively seek ways to transform any limitations they may attempt to impose upon you.
This article is Part 2 of 4. Here is a link to Part 1: A Modern Woman Wrestling with Ancestral Baggage.